The inner critic is the voice that judges you: what you did, what you didn’t, what you are. In how I work, it’s a part of you, and like every part it has a positive intention. It isn’t trying to hurt you. It’s trying to do something for you, and the way it goes about it costs you.
This page is about what the inner critic sounds like and what it’s for. This is coaching, not therapy. If you’re not sure that’s what you need, read when to get help from a professional instead first.
What is the inner critic?
It’s the part of you that comments on you. It notices what’s wrong with the work, the plan, the way you looked, the thing you said. It often sounds like a person, sometimes like someone you know, sometimes only like you on a bad day.
In how I work, a part is a part of your subconscious that has a want or desire. The inner critic is one of them. That’s a different way to look at it than “my own voice against me.” For more on what a part is, start with self sabotage.
What does the inner critic sound like?
You know your own. Here are some common forms, described plainly.
It compares: “She does this so much better than you.” It predicts: “You’ll get it wrong.” It names you: “You always do this.” It demands: “You should have been done by now.” It keeps score: “Remember last time?”
Notice that each one is about you, not about the task. That’s one way to tell it apart from useful feedback, which points at something you can do next.
What is the inner critic for?
In how I work, the part that criticizes has a positive intention. It wants something for you, even when it doesn’t feel that way. What it wants varies by person. It might want you to be ready, or to be accepted, or to avoid being caught out.
I don’t claim to know what yours wants. The useful question is what it is trying to get for you, not how to make it stop. When its concern has been heard, it has less reason to keep raising the volume.
What is the difference between the inner critic and self sabotage?
They’re closely related. The inner critic is what you hear. Self sabotage is what you do. A critic that says “don’t bother” and a behavior that stops you bothering are often the same conflict from two sides. You can read how that looks in self sabotaging behaviors.
An invented example
This is an invented example, to show how I look at an inner critic. It isn’t a real client.
Lena writes the first draft of a report in an hour. Then a voice starts: “This is sloppy. They’ll see you don’t know what you’re doing.” She rewrites it four times and sends it late.
I wouldn’t tell Lena to ignore the voice, and I wouldn’t try to argue it down. I’d ask what it wants for her. In this example, it wants her work to be beyond criticism, so she can’t be caught out. That’s a positive intention. It’s also doing a job that costs her time and sleep.
The conflict is between that part and the part of her that wants the work finished and sent. Seeing it as two parts changes the question from “how do I shut it up?” to “what does it need so it stops pulling against what I want?” This is an illustration of how I look at a pattern, not a promise of what will happen for you.
How does coaching work with an inner critic?
It starts with what you want, not with the voice. We find the value behind the goal, link it to a quality, and work on the structure that makes you certain you are that person. I call that structure your certain database. The full walk-through is on the how to stop self sabotaging page.
I can’t promise how it goes for any one person. I can tell you what the work involves.
When should you get help from a professional instead?
If the voice is about harming yourself, or it comes from something painful that happened to you, that’s a question for a qualified professional, not a coach. Coaching isn’t therapy. I don’t claim to treat trauma, and I don’t claim to cure anything.
If there’s trauma, deep-seated emotional issues, or thoughts of suicide, talk to a qualified professional. If you’re thinking about suicide, call or text 988 in the US, or call your local emergency number.
Read next: negative self-talk and how to stop negative self-talk.
Frequently asked questions
What is the inner critic?
The voice that judges you. In how I work, it’s a part of you with a positive intention, doing a job that costs you.
What does the inner critic sound like?
It compares, predicts, names, demands and keeps score. Each one is about you, not about the task.
Why do I have an inner critic?
In how I work, the part that criticizes wants something for you. I don’t claim to know what yours wants. That’s the question to ask.
Is the inner critic the same as negative self-talk?
They overlap. The inner critic is the part. Negative self-talk is what it says.
How do I deal with my inner critic?
I can’t promise how it goes for any one person. Start with what it’s trying to get for you. The how to stop self sabotaging page explains what the work involves.
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