You overcome a limiting belief by working with what you’re certain of, not by arguing with the sentence. In how I work, a belief is something you’re certain of, and the work is on that certainty.
For what a limiting belief is, start with limiting beliefs. For examples, see limiting beliefs examples. This page is about what to do.
This is coaching, not therapy. If you’re not sure that’s what you need, read when to get help from a professional instead first.
How do you identify a limiting belief?
You listen for the sentence that sounds like a fact. “That’s just how I am.” “People like me don’t.” “It never works out.” You don’t feel those as beliefs. You feel them as the way things are.
Then you ask what you’re certain of underneath it. The sentence is how it comes out. The certainty is the belief.
Try this with one sentence. Write it down exactly as you’d say it. Then complete the line “I’m certain that…” and see what comes up. It may not be the same words. That difference is useful.
What questions help you look at a belief?
Questions work when they point at the certainty, not at the story. These are the ones I’d start with.
What am I certain of here? That’s the main one. What do I want that this certainty is standing in front of? That’s the goal. Who would I need to be to have it? That’s the quality. And what does the part of me that holds this certainty want for me? That’s the positive intention.
You can ask them out loud or write the answers down. You don’t need good answers. You need honest ones. If a question makes you want to move on, stay with it a little longer.
Why doesn’t telling yourself something different work?
Because you can know a sentence is unfair and still be certain of it. Replacing the sentence leaves the certainty where it was.
That’s why I don’t work on the sentence. I work on the structure that tells you you’re certain of something, what I call your certain database. Yours is different from mine, and sometimes it has to be built before it can be worked on.
How does the work go?
It starts with what you want. We find the value behind the goal. Then we link that value to a quality, the person you’d need to be to reach it. Then we work on that quality until your certain database tells you that you are that person.
That’s the same shape as the work on self sabotage, and the how to stop self sabotaging page walks through it step by step. I can’t promise how it goes for any one person. I can tell you what the work involves.
An invented example
This is an invented example, to show how I look at working on a belief. It isn’t a real client.
Priya wants to finish a course she has stopped three times. Her sentence is, “I’m not someone who finishes things.” She wrote it down. When she completed the line “I’m certain that…”, what came up was different: “I’m certain that if I finish, I’ll be expected to do more.”
That’s not the same belief. It’s closer to what she’s certain of. In this example, the part that holds it has a positive intention: it wants to keep her from being asked for more than she can give. That’s something to work with, not something to argue with.
Behind her goal is a value. To reach it she’d need a quality, someone who finishes and can say what she’s willing to do next. The question is whether her certain database tells her she’s that person. This is an illustration of how I look at a belief, not a promise of what will happen for you.
When should you get help from a professional instead?
If you think a belief comes from something painful that happened to you, that’s a question for a qualified professional, not a coach. Coaching isn’t therapy. I don’t claim to treat trauma, and I don’t claim to cure anything.
If there’s trauma, deep-seated emotional issues, or thoughts of suicide, talk to a qualified professional. If you’re thinking about suicide, call or text 988 in the US, or call your local emergency number.
Frequently asked questions
How do you identify a limiting belief?
Listen for the sentence that sounds like a fact. Then ask what you’re certain of underneath it, by completing the line “I’m certain that…”
What questions challenge a limiting belief?
What am I certain of here? What do I want that this is standing in front of? Who would I need to be to have it? What does the part holding this want for me?
Can you overcome a limiting belief on your own?
I can’t promise how it goes for any one person. Some people start by writing down what they’re certain of. If it’s tied to something painful, talk to a qualified professional.
Why doesn’t positive thinking work on a belief?
Because you can know a sentence is unfair and still be certain of it. The certainty is what I work on.
How long does it take to change a belief?
I can’t promise a timeline. It depends on the person and on what has to be built or worked on.
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